I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
