yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
