even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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