He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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