True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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