My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
