this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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