I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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