we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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