I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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