He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
