Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
