I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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