I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
im on a boat
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