Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
