He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
