And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
