my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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