I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
