Ambien. No doubt about it.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
