It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
