Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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