His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
