he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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