YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
