people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
