How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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