end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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