Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
