Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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