I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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