Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
