All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
