You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
