i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to fling myself into the sun
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just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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