Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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