I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
