i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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