i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
