Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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