you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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