turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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