I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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