MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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