You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
