Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
