one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
