i think my mom watched the whole time
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
