I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
