Your mouth is God's brothel.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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