some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
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she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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