Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize