She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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