He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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