when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
