Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
