And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
