Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
