I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i want to swaddle you in tequila
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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