thus making me awesome and them whores
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
