he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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