Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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