When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
