For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
