i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So much rum. So many feels.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
